Tuesday, November 25, 2003

i hate goodbyes

i said goodbye to a friend today. i thought i had done it last week, but something in me just couldn't let things end the way they had. not that it was bad or anything, it just felt incomplete somehow. so i called him up this morning and asked if i could come over for a few. when i walked in, i realized i had never been to the man's house. wierd. we've been friends for a year, our church is less than two miles from his front door, and i'd never been there. hmmmm
anyway, we spent a great hour together. we talked about american sexual politics and queer eye for the straight guy (which neither of us have seen or understand the fascination with) and religion in america and conspiracy theories and me writing a book and him finished his CD and his new place in the mountains and how his girlfriend is going crazy over this move to virginia. he worked on a 50 year old reel for his fishing pole and i kept him distracted from his nicotine withdrawls (he quit smoking yesterday). country music blared in the background and his part of the conversation was laced with some of the most creative profanity i have ever experienced. (he is quite an artist) there was very little "spiritual" about it, but God was there.
my friend grabbed my heart the first time we met. he is a local musician and he came in to our open mic one thursday. i'm not sure he knew what to think of the place or of us. he asked me if it was ok if he cussed in his songs. i don't know if he could have performed them if i had said no. our journey in the year since then has been one of sharing songs and hanging out at open mics and that's about it. he did come to a picnic our church had last summer and i went to a party / concert for him this summer and i went to his house today, that's about it. he told me once that he didn't know why we were friends -- he had no use for most christians and sure didn't like pastors. i'm glad i get to be the exception. we talked about a lot of things and agreed on very little, but we are friends.
after we talked for an hour or so i went out to my car and brought in the bible i bought for him. i was nervous about how it would be received, but i shouldn't have been. he knows me, he knows where i am coming from, he probably expected this last conversation to be about his soul and hell and all of that. he was touched by it i think. he told me he hadn't had one in years. i didn't "witness" to him, i didn't really even tell him to read it, i just wanted him to have it. he doesn't need me telling him what to do, he knows, he just has to decide to buy in for himself. God i pray he does.
he thanked me. we hugged. i told him i thought he was a good guy, he said i was ok too. he promised to send me a picture of him on the back porch of his new house and a CD when he finishes it. i told him i would talk to him soon and his reply was "it ain't over".
i was crying before i got to my car, that's so wierd to me. i'm fascinated by how much i feel a connection to this guy, but that is a conversation for another time. i don't feel terribly analytical at the moment. just sad.

Godspeed my friend


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