Friday, November 07, 2003

happy birthday caleb

you can't really be seven years old. it's been quite a year. first home run, first soccer goal, first grade. you've grown about 2 feet and look and move and act and talk like a boy now. it is scary and wonderful to watch all at the same time. i love to listen to you think and figure things out out loud. i love to listen to you pray. i love to watch your whole self light up when you think you pulled one over on me or your mom.
i am so proud of the way you love people and have made it a part of who you are to want to help whenever you can. i love it that you are proud of yourself when you help a kid up on the soccer field or share something with nathan. i am amazed at how smart you are and how fast you pick things up. it cracks me up that your coordination hasn't caught up with your huge, long body yet. i really do love that everything is so big and exciting and that you still get my attention from the back seat every time we pass an ambulance or a fire truck. i love every hug, kiss, and high five.

seven years ago tonight was wild. we waited all day for you and you apprently had no intention of making an appearance. then mommy got sick. i will never forget sitting in a room alone for 30 minutes, waiting to get to where you guys were, not knowing if you and mommy were ok. i made God a lot of promises in that 30 minutes, so if it seems like i'm hard on you sometimes, that's because i think i'm still trying to keep those promises. i'll never forget seeing you for the first time. you looked so small, but all the nurses could talk about was how huge you were. then i saw your hands and i knew what they were talking about. taking you out to meet your family (they all talked about your hands too). handing you off to a nurse so i could check on your mom.
that was the night i banged your head off the basinet when i tried to change you for the first time. i swear you looked at me like you were saying, "so that's how it's going to be, huh?". i think that's how it's been. i remember the huge storm that blew through waco that night. you and your mom were asleep and i kept watching the weather in the next room to see if anything bad was coming. all i could think about was how i would protect you guys if it got scary. i still think like that all the time.

you are such a big man now. king of all you survey. i love you and i am proud of you and i can't even begin to list all of the ways my life has been an is blessed because of you. darrell told me before you were born that i would understand God so much better when i saw you for the first time. he was so right.
i see in you already the man you will be one of these days. it is a beautiful thing. happy birthday caleb, goose, big man, mr. c, goofball, buddy. i am so thankful for that wild night seven years ago.
i love you


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